having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
