I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
