Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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