So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
