Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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