I look better un-naked...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
