So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
