he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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