It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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