he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
