You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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