Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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