i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
