Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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