Cold hands, warm shart.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
