Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize
