i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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