real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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