get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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