I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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