ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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