I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
