I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
