My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
