Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
should my penis look like a turkey
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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