I got chris browned last night
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
