8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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