Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
