well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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