whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
