God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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