She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
