hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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