What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
