i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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