Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The power of my boobs compel you
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
