I'm lost and stupid without you.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
