Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if i died would you start the facebook group?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes