Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen

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(770): The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen http://tfl.nu/8l9o

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(707): View more from California

tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?

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(707): tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers? http://tfl.nu/o0vq

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(813): View more from Florida

either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.

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(813): either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand. http://tfl.nu/9289

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later

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(412): we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later http://tfl.nu/u7bo

Replies (24) Good night (6339) Bad night (982)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45

(773): View more from Illinois

Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy

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(814): i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45 (773): Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy http://tfl.nu/wt4o

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(773): View more from Illinois

I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit

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(773): I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit http://tfl.nu/6wkt

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(818): View more from California

remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,

(702): View more from Nevada

Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.

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(818): remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it, (702): Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch. http://tfl.nu/x8zx

Replies (116) Good night (6680) Bad night (12425)
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(702): View more from Nevada

I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.

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(702): I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad. http://tfl.nu/4uh2

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(859): View more from Kentucky

The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".

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(859): The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis". http://tfl.nu/o2ql

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.

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(403): Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season. http://tfl.nu/yv9x

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(510): View more from California

I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear

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(510): I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear http://tfl.nu/ry3a

Replies (9) Good night (2319) Bad night (952)
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(206): View more from Washington

I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.

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(206): I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship. http://tfl.nu/s5mh

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(317): View more from Indiana

I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too

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(317): I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too http://tfl.nu/ini4

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(303): View more from Colorado

Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.

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(303): Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt. http://tfl.nu/99hv

Replies (3) Good night (1086) Bad night (282)
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(276): View more from Virginia

Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?

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(276): Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this? http://tfl.nu/9myy

Replies (6) Good night (1020) Bad night (249)

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