No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
