New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
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Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now