you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."