Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
