She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
