I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
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We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
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I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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