Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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