Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Mom said you looked used
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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