I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
