So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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