Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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