i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
