Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
