she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
