Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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