I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
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nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
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My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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