Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
