Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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