remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
