to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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