Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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