At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize