it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
