My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
